LifeAdvisor

What if you could preview life like you choose vacation packages?

All packages (and adventures included) are sponsored by GPS, the best resource for finding your way. Additional backers include internet search engines, which find top attractions and restaurants in unfamiliar-to-you places, and a high-achieving husband whose faithful dedication to his job created the need for these relocation packages.

For more information regarding the packages detailed below, contact the original curator, Ashley C. Shannon.

Image by piviso from Pixabay

Hopkins, Minnesota

Duration: 1 year, 9 months

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This package is best described as “blissful struggle” and is perfect for newlyweds. The accommodations include a newly renovated 1950s bungalow duplex where you’ll be landowner, tenant, and inexperienced homemaker. This will be your first home away from your parents, and you’ll unpack and arrange all your books into three very full bookcases. Although you’ll live in a Twin Cities suburb, it will feel more like a small town. Within walking distance to downtown Hopkins, you’ll experience many strolls to the library, Cold Stone Creamery, and the discounted movie theater. You’ll create a charming memory when seventeen inches of snow fall in one day. Although cars stall in the snow-laden streets, because this is Minnesota, the grocery store is open. With snowpants and strong legs, you trudge to the grocery store with your adventurous husband, all to drink hot, cafeteria-style soup. (Because of the piling snow, you won’t be able to drive into the alley behind your house. Both your cars will get towed that winter. Twice.) Also, during your Hopkins stay, you’ll host a college friend, who will live in your basement for several months while he waits for his South American fiancée to come to the States.

Your house will sit a quick interstate drive to downtown Minneapolis, but sometimes, during peak hours, your car will crawl. During these long hours when you inch your way to your destination, you’ll find a classical radio station and listen often, even after you move away from the state. You’ll drive downtown daily because you’ll have the opportunity to teach college classes at three different establishments (all at the same time), including your alma mater and a state school where you’ll meet a delightful group of Taiwanese students. You’ll invite them to many events around town, including American Thanksgiving at your church. Meanwhile, your new husband will work in various managerial positions (and hours) within the same company.

(Oh, and there will be a bachelor party in your basement, that you still aren’t sure how or why they landed at your house.)

This package also includes two car accidents, the purchase of three used cars, and a church community where you’ll participate in various roles within the youth group, young adult ministry, and children’s church. Your favorite piece, however, will be the marriage advice you receive from the community’s more seasoned couples.

All in all, although you don’t know how to cook or balance grading essays with your husband’s dirty socks, this will be a (mostly) enjoyable time for you that you’ll look back on fondly.

Overland Park, KS

Duration: 1 year

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️

This package includes barbeque from every major Kansas City restaurant in the vicinity and way too much frozen yogurt from a local chain called Yogurtini. You’ll know it is too much because, almost immediately, you’ll start receiving rewards from your tracked frozen dessert purchases.

The apartment you’ll stay in will be a two-bedroom with an upstairs loft and an outdoor pool that you’ll visit maybe twice. The loft will hold your bookcases, but you won’t unpack all your boxes of books. During your stay, you’ll realize that this is the first time you’ve come to a city and known no one, and no one has known you. Homesickness will hit heavy, but fortunately, you’ll be a high school teacher at a small Christian school with colleagues who love on you and make you feel part of the community. That Christmas, your husband will buy you an e-reader.

Meanwhile, you and your husband will go from church to church, not fitting in, until you go to a mega church and attend a young couples’ small group where you are embraced. Unfortunately, this will happen only a few months before your next move.

When the news comes that you’ll move from this place, you’ll feel devastated. You’ll argue with your husband and try to make sense of a three-hour-long commute so you can keep your teaching job, but eventually realize “goodbye” is in order. When the movers come to pack and relocate your stuff, they’ll complain about all the heavy boxes of books. In return, you’ll point out how some boxes have already been packed—less work for them.

Also included in this package are severe back pain, the divorce of your in-laws, tornado alerts, the death of your grandpa, and the death of a close family friend.

Wichita, KS

Duration: 4 years

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This package includes a weekend where you’ll look at 30 houses, make an offer, get denied, and then end up with a 1900s home in a quaint neighborhood called College Hill. There will be a park you walk to often, especially after an English mastiff puppy joins your family. And, when your husband starts an ice cream shop at the nearby square, your cousin will live with you for a few months to manage it. Eventually, she’ll move back home, but you’ll enjoy her company while she’s there. You’ll frequent the square’s pizza parlor and burger restaurant, getting ice cream for dessert. But those won’t be your favorite food spots. You’ll find a rotating menu of local establishments you haunt, including The Lotus Leaf, where you’ll order the Turkey Tom with their homemade sweet potato chips, and later you’ll feed your toddler son their creamy (spicy) cashew macaroni and cheese. You’ll also find yourself on team Donut Whole.*

You’ll be hired at an established Christian high school and serve as the sophomore English teacher, then later, after your son is born, you’ll serve as freshman adviser and curriculum director. You’ll see the school through accreditation renewal and enjoy the quirks of your colleagues. They’ll be the most supportive friends, but you won’t see them much outside of school.

Once again, you’ll bounce from church to church, not finding a great fit. You’ll attend one young adult group and immediately know you are too old to be labeled “young” (even though you are still in your 20s).

You’ll give up your preaching credentials, as you no longer use them. But the organization you were licensed through will continue to send you mail with the label “Rev.” Eventually, you’ll find a small group home, which you’ll diligently attend until they cease meeting. Then, when your husband temporarily works two states away, you’ll ask small group members if they’d be available to get together. They’ll be too busy, but fortunately, you’ll have a retired journalist neighbor who will come with you when your toddler son has surgery and another neighborhood mom who invites you over and over to dinner and other events for toddlers. You’ll be grateful.

Meanwhile, your husband will continue to make big accomplishments in his company and be asked to transfer his skills to a sister company. This will create a training period of more than six months, during which he will work several states away. During this period, your time will be split between home and traveling. You’ll stay at home with your young son part of the time. Other times, you’ll stay with your parents, but you’ll also travel with your husband, spending two weeks at a time in hotels in Kentucky, Louisiana, Wisconsin, and Arkansas. You’ll become an expert at entertaining your toddler in airplanes, cars, and new towns.

When the time comes to move, you’ll donate over 800 books to friends, family, and Goodwill.

As mentioned above, this package includes the addition of a large mastiff puppy and a son, but also learning how to cook, and helping your chiropractor—who helped your colicky baby—write a book about colic.

*The food memories from Wichita were fun to relive; however, I was sad to discover that both The Lotus Leaf and The Donut Hole have closed for economic reasons. Yes, the ice cream shop my husband started is still there, but it has switched hands twice since he established it.

McDonough, GA

Duration: 9 months

Rated: 3 out of 5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️

This package might surprise you with its brevity. Despite being cut short, this package contains more than the red dirt and peaches it suggests (although there’s a lot of that, too).

The accommodation of this package could be best described as a Georgia country mansion. (No, seriously, there will be cows next to your neighborhood.) After much hemming and hawing, you’ll relent to living in a subdivision solely because of access to a pool. Your five-bedroom, four-bathroom house with an exercise room, theatre room, second kitchen, deck, three-season porch, and F.R.O.G. (finished room over garage) will seem excessive. (And you’ll be right.) Although you’ll get your Georgia teaching license, you will not pursue a job. Instead, you’ll start writing for a local parenting site, recording all your adventures with your toddler son.

During this package, you’ll wonder why you and your husband decided to live on the south side OTP (outside the Atlanta perimeter). But you’ll feel privileged when your husband points out Shaquille O’Neal’s home security gate, who also lives in McDonough, although not near you. You’ll understand that you’re not a valid resident of ATL because you don’t drive crazy and don’t love grits. You’ll feel flustered that you don’t understand some of the area's cultural dynamics, but your neighbor will become your best translator and confidant while her grandson and your toddler play. When you become pregnant with your second child, she’ll reassure you that you can be a mom of two, speaking life into your heart.

You’ll find a church you like and a small group with interesting people. You’ll have fun seeing the pandas at the zoo, exploring the mansion from The Hunger Games movie at the Atlanta History Center, and experiencing Georgia’s world-class aquarium (ten stars plus!). You’ll also go to classic Atlanta spots like The Varsity, Coke Museum, Chick-fil-A’s original diner, and the Oakland Cemetery, where Margaret Mitchell, who wrote Gone with the Wind, is buried. You’ll eat many King of Pops popsicles, which will become your toddler’s favorite treat. Buying plane tickets to and from ATL will become your specialty because it will seem like everywhere you want to go is a direct flight, and tickets are cheap.

You’ll buy e-books.

Of course, you’ll cry when your husband tells you about the next move. You’ll be pregnant and unsure of the future. But you’ll look back at this time as short but sweet.

Goose Creek, SC

Duration: 3 years, 1 month

Rating: 4 ½ stars out of 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This package includes the birth of a baby girl (almost in the car), three hurricane threats, lots of hikes, alligator spotting, outdoor picnics, a complete solar eclipse, and many visits from friends and family.

You’ll meet your first friend, who also recently moved to the coastal South, at the library. She’ll have three boys and be cooler than you, but she’ll invite you on adventures anyway, including exploring an old Confederate graveyard whose crumbling church your children will, unfortunately, disassemble parts of behind your back.

After your transfer from Atlanta, you’ll be embraced by a writing community of moms from the local parenting website. You’ll faithfully contribute 1,000+ words each month during your stay and read every article the site publishes. You’ll cheer other mom writers as they cheer you on. Soon, you’ll edit and learn the ins and outs of SEO and other blogging techniques. You’ll love working with the site owners.

You’ll join an outdoor play program with your preschool son and your not-yet-walking daughter. You’ll meet interesting people and learn about the unique fauna and flora of the Lowcountry. You’ll feel connected, again, to nature and the Creator’s thoughtful design.

After being rejected by a Montessori preschool, you’ll stumble upon a Spanish-immersion, play-based school. You won’t believe it. You’ll love connecting with the community and its mission. Soon, you’ll find yourself writing school policies and handbooks while advising on accreditation. You’ll speak Spanish—poorly.

You’ll attend one church and love the preaching so much you stay. You’ll have a hard time getting close to people in a small group, but you’ll attend anyway.

Your neighbors will also be harder to get to know. But because you have the longest driveway, you’ll attract neighborhood kids of all ages to play with your various outdoor toys. You’ll host a backyard picnic, and everyone invited will attend.

You’ll swim and hike and eat various local cuisines.* You’ll recycle, switch to steel straws and reusable bags, and attend farmers’ markets all year round. When friends and family visit, you’ll happily show off plantations and your favorite swamps. You’ll decide with your husband you want to stay because you’ll want to make this your forever home. You’ll buy picture books for your children, but only digital books for yourself.

Included, but what will not stick in your memory of this place once you leave, will be the traffic, heavy humidity, hurricane threats, flooding roads, multiple mosquito bites, swarming gnats, thick pollen, and biting fire ants.

*This cuisine includes frog legs, fried green tomatoes, hushpuppies, frogmore stew, crab cakes, she-crab soup, shrimp and grits, and buttermilk pie.

Omaha, NE

Duration: 5 years plus

Rating: Still calculating 💬

This package starts off rough with a pandemic and no friends. You will not spend as much time looking for a house in this location, but will instead focus on finding a school for your son. Within two days, you’ll visit six schools with various focuses. You’ll be unsure, as the school your son currently attends will have no close matches in the Midwest. You’ll settle on two schools, applying to both. Then, later, after being told you probably won’t be accepted into the school, you’ll officially register at a Christian, classical, collaborative school. Later, when schools close or go solely online, you’ll be grateful God led you to this small, close-knit school.

Your accommodations during this stay will be in a 1970s ranch home with a courtyard and lots of outdoor space. You won’t tour the house before your husband purchases it, so you’ll be disappointed in the poor finishes of the previous owner’s DIY remodels. However, you’ll love all the mature, looming trees. You’ll count nine in your front yard alone. Then, storms will blow in. The first two trees will break near their top, landing in your courtyard. It will happen during your second summer, the first being a pandemic summer. You’ll lose power to the house for six days and have to replace the roof. Two years later, another summer storm will whip up. This time, trees will crash all around your home, resulting in another new roof and repairs to your courtyard wall. You’ll need to cut down thirteen trees. Later that year, your husband, still dealing with contractors and insurance, will cut down the remainder of the trees in your yard. You’ll understand the logic of the decision but will mourn the loss of the 70-year-old trees and will declare your yard ugly.

Amid your sorrow, you’ll have wonderful neighbors who hug you when they see your downed trees. This will be the culmination of awkward hellos because at first, you’ll have a hard time meeting people. Everyone’s guard will be up because of the pandemic. But you’ll wave at cars, wave at people walking by. You’ll strike up conversations with people in their yards. You’ll have a get-to-know-your-neighbors party and rent a huge bounce house to attract kids. There’ll be few kids. Most of the neighbors will be original homeowners from the '70s. But there will be a few houses with kids, and you’ll discover one family whose children go to the same school as your kids. This will amaze you because 1. Your children’s school isn’t that big. 2. Few people from the school live on your side of town. This family, who goes to the same school as your children and who live in the same neighborhood as you, will become your lifeline. They will breathe hope into your heart.

Because your son misses speaking Spanish, you’ll attend a Spanish-speaking church. The whole community will feed you delicious Mexican and Guatemalan food, but communication will be a problem. You’ll learn lots of Spanish and buy a bilingual Bible. Your blonde daughter and light-haired husband will stand out in the sea of dark hair. You’ll attend a small group from your neighbor’s church during this time because you can’t figure out if the Spanish church offers small groups and when they are. You’ll love getting to know the people from the small group. You’ll share vulnerable life stories and hear others’ precious secrets, but since you don’t go to the connected church, eventually, you’ll feel you need to move on. Meanwhile, the communication barrier at your Spanish church will be too much for your family, and you’ll switch churches to a bilingual church. Again, you’ll enjoy the worship in Spanish and the attempts to communicate. But your husband will have difficulty connecting, and you’ll opt for another church. The next church you try is a larger, international church. You’ll attend a marriage class. You’ll meet many wonderful people and go to a mission-focused small group, but you will eventually opt for a church closer to home. This next church will be smaller, and you’ll immediately feel at home with the pastor’s message and friendly congregation. You’ll volunteer to teach children’s church and feel like you’re finally getting established. Your kids will even get baptized at this church. But then the unexpected will happen. The pastor will move, and the church will decide to close. You’ll wonder why God allowed you to go to that place when it was for such a short time. But you’ll cherish the acquaintances you meet and follow them to the next church, a twenty-minute drive from your home. You’ll be annoyed, having to commute far for your church and school and small group. But you’ll like how the pastor preaches from the Word, and your kids will immediately make friends, as will your husband, who attends a weekly men’s breakfast.

You’ll try out the local parenting website by submitting pieces, even being their editor for a while. But the camaraderie won’t be the same. The leadership and focus will change, and although you want to be a part of shaping the culture, ultimately, it will become a poor fit. You’ll try other websites. You’ll have to jump through a lot of hoops for one site, and then, once you’re on board, the leader will close up shop. Another site you started contributing to in South Carolina will also close. This will feel more amicable to you, but also sad. You’ll seek out other places to submit your writing. You’ll get rejected. A lot. But you’ll also find success. You’ll try other things. Start your own IG account. Get a Substack. You’ll finish a long-term project, which you’ve been pecking away at for years, called What God Can Do. You’ll also join online writing groups but ultimately find an in-person one with interesting, local people who will cheer you on.

You’ll have a hard time adjusting to the colder seasons. The in-between, transitional seasons from hot to cold and cold to hot will be the hardest. You’ll travel a lot, wishing you lived somewhere else. But then you’ll discover Coneflower, a local ice cream place. You’ll eat at the Asian Market and find that they sell tteokbokki, bamboo dishes, and Korean hot dogs. You’ll find a French bakery you like and attend an exercise class next door. Your kids will be in school and sporting activities, where you’ll meet parents and start to feel part of the community. You’ll visit the library and local community center regularly, seeing the same people repeatedly. This will make you feel more at home.

Your dog will die. You’ll fight with your husband and yell at your kids. You’ll say things you regret, but you’ll also learn to lean hard into forgiveness and grace.

You’ll realize that all the people you’ve met, all the places you’ve been, have ultimately led you to this point.

You’ll wonder if you’ll move. But when you start to buy physical books again, you’ll know you want to stay.

Copyright © 2025 Ashley C. Shannon, All rights reserved.